To Be Lesbian, Christian and Black (With My Soul Intact)

Some of the most dedicated disciples of the heart and principles of Christ that I know are also queer. This is not a statement I would have dreamed could be made as a Pentecostal girl growing up. The interpretation of scripture that was presented to me in my youth allowed very little room for deviation from the accepted religious norms. There was a dogmatic enforcement of perceived understanding that left me often both wanting and isolated in my pursuit to understand Spirit in relation to myself. 

I have always desired to understand and experience the oneness of a connection to Divinity. Even as a teenager I develop a practice of private daily prayer in an attempt at intimacy with the Divine Creative Source of the universe. It was the first personal decision I feel I made in my spiritual life. This practice was different from the bedtime prayers required by my parents, pre-adolescence. It was a conversation with the Source of the universe in a quest for clarity and connection. And it provided me a vehicle to sustain myself as I navigated my way through the religions of the world.

Yes, I experimented with religions in my twenties like most people do with drugs. LOL I wanted a relationship with the Divine but felt that who I understood myself to be was in direct opposition with what I was told God was. You see, I’ve known with more than a little certainty that I was same gender loving since I was 16 and coming from the tradition I had been raised in, being Christian and Queer could not coexist. As the daughter, granddaughter, niece & sister of several Pentecostal preachers, for me “Gay” wasn’t an option. 

At first I tried to deny the truth of who I was in hopes that it was ”just a phase” that would pass. It did not. So for a while I conceded to being a "sinner." That didn’t work for me either, because even in the midst of my attempts at debauchery I continued my evening “conversations” with who/what I understood as God. I mean how unruly can you really be when you have a standing bedtime appointment with God. (SMILE) So, I decided to “sample” some other religious expressions. Surely I could find one that would help me achieve the oneness I was looking for and allow me to live authentically and embrace myself completely. 

After investigating both traditional and NOI/Black Islam, Buddhism, Shintoism and Christ consciousness. I studied New World Yoruba expressions like Santeria and Candomble. With my DEEP Christian roots I saw them all through the lens of Christian scripture and was brought to a very real and universal understanding. At the heart of every practice there were 2 consistent truths 1) Love the creator (whatever it was called) with all that you have and 2) show that love of him/her/it by being compassionate to your fellow humans. Love & compassion were the key to that oneness I was seeking. In this I saw the clarity of Jesus’ Statement: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matt 22:37-40 NIV) This was a liberating concept that would send me on a journey to freedom. That journey is how I learned that freedom is TRULY a process! I get a little freer every day.

My path to freedom took me through finding a love that forced me to confront my demons and work more diligently to truly understand scripture in relation to cultural and historical context, then to releasing that love because she had done her service and played her part according to divine plan. It took me through 2 ordination with 2 different spiritual expressions so that I could learn to relate, honor, respect and embrace all people’s paths. It lead me to finding the love of my life who saw the God in me and encouraged me to share what I had learned in a lifetime of seeking with her at the very least, though she felt (and feels) what I’ve gained is for the world and tells me so almost every day. I crossed paths with other pilgrims to freedom that crushed my notions that all Christian queer folk (if there were any) were either in the closet about their queerness or their Christianity.

Now, I understand Divinity as the Life Force Energy that flows through the entire universe. It expresses as Humanity, the Animal Kingdom, Plant Life and the very Cosmos itself. I believe that through the course of human history that Life Force Energy has expressed itself in human form of varied gender identities as examples of what connection to that Source Life Force Energy looks like, to remind the rest of us. I connect most with the expression recognized by the planet as Jesus, known to some as the Christ but acknowledge there are many who have and do walk among us who others may connect to/with more closely. It is a Christianity that allows me to bridge the gap between the little girl who grew up longing to connect to that God of her youth and the Adult that understand connecting to the Source begins with compassion for self and others. And I am enjoying the privilege of sharing one on one inspiration with others whose brush with Christianity fell short of accomplishing the great commission: to spread the good news that Jesus is the expressed image of Love, and the understanding that Love can offer rest from the toils and pressures of this human experience we are having.

And though it seems contradictory to what we see expressed in American society today, My Christian upbringing provided me a lens to see the universality of all spiritual expressions. And understanding THAT… saved my soul.

Oh My Maya (For Maya Angelou)

I wrote this piece a year ago. It came in a sudden flash of inspiration. I wasn't reading any of her work at the time, Nor had I seen her on any program or in any speaking engagement in proximity of the time I wrote it. Her love is so, that she is in your heart like a "kin" that you think of often even though you don't always get to see. And the love you have for her just shows up needing to be expressed. That is the place this came from. I offer it tonight to her... for the journey, and to us... for the solace. She stands among the ancestors now. Ashe' and Blessed Be...

Oh My Maya (For Maya Angelou)

She’s every ebony woman’s mother
An elder stateswoman of the noblest kind
She is the joy that lives in our hearts,
And the black beauty of our mind
She is the courage of our convictions
And the voice of our resolve
The singer of our afflictions
With word whispered from above
She is the phenomenon that ignited us
To live beyond the cage
A voice of black womanhood
In this present age
She has been our bright and shining star
Through many a dark night
And in our glories and triumphs
She’s been there to write
Those things that fill our hearts
But we cannot find words to say
Painting vivid pictures
Of our brightest days
Oh Dear Mother Maya
I am grateful you walked this mortal plain
Your presence has lifted our soul a little higher
May it be said of us the same.

Love's Lesson

At the end of 2012 I was forced to face the meaning of love, as it applied to me. That process was not rose colored nor candy coated. However, on the other side of it I did find an answer. Love, for me, began... with me. It started with the understanding that I was lovable, to God if no one else. Then expanded with the embrace of the concept that how and who I love was a choice that only I was entitled to make. Lastly,  there was the grasping of the notion that love is not always saccharine covered, but it's bitter sweet texture though stark on the tongue,just like dark chocolate, is so much better for your health, mental and physical. From that journey of self discovery that pulled me half way through 2013 this poem emerged. I offer it to you, an early Valentine. And I send you all... Love

Promise to my Unborn Daughter

I will never tell you gilded tales of happily ever after.
Love is splendid work,
And happy is a choice.

I will teach you to love your desire
And be independent of necessity;
That Prince Charming is just a fallible man with good manners.
So, don't paint him with rose colored expectation
that will always cause him to fall short in your eyes
and you to be disappointed.

I will teach you that imperfection does not equal defect
And that broken hearts don't equal broken spirits.
I will  tell you that self love is prerequisite for all that is to follow
And show you that it's true by the way I treat myself.

I know I can not spare you the pitfalls and growing pains of life.
Because even if my lessons afford you opportunity to sidestep some,
Others will thrive in their place
to teach some unknown lesson
I couldn't have predicted.

I just want to make the way clear
For you to discover new obstacles to overcome.
So that you can make the way clearer still
For our daughters yet to come.

Freedom

"Freedom is not something that anybody can be given. Freedom is something people take, and people are as free as they want to be." ~James Baldwin

I have always sung. It is where my “voice” has always lived. Not just the melodic retelling of others stories in others words. I sing because in it I have always been able to tell my truth. It is my gift from Spirit by which to obtain my freedom. I was 7 when I realized that anyone other than me wanted to hear me sing. I was 9 when I realized that my voice could inspire others. I was 12 when I wrote my first song and realized my voice could be used to tell MY truth. I was 16 when I wrote a song about apartheid on MLK’s holiday weekend and sang it to my mother. I was changed when she looked at me with eyes that said “You are SO much more than the little girl I birthed.” 

This gift of song has carried me through my greatest loss and toughest times in life. However, it wasn’t until this past year that I realized that this gift of song was so much more than a gift. It was my salvation. We all face challenges in life and I truly believe that Spirit allows us challenges knowing that we are fully equipped to overcome them. The Most Beloved is sure of our success because of the divine preparation put into all of us. We are all provided with that talent, that gift that will not only sustain us through the tough times but propel us to the other side of the darkness. (1 Cor 10:13)

During my personal and health challenges at the end of 2012 and through 2013 it was the ability to write my feelings that allowed me to overcome. And that day in late July 2013 when I bust out in spontaneous song for the first time in months, the cloud lifted and I could see the coming of day. It was in that moment that the reflection of all my difficult times came rushing to mind and I was able to see that whenever I was at the brink of complete annihilation or self-destruction the love of Spirit, through this gift of song I was given, lifted me.

The only thing in life that is free is choice. The rest we will have to work for. That includes freedom itself. The wonderful part is that we’ve already been provided with the tools needed to free ourselves. Incidentally, those are the same tools given to each of us to play our part in freeing the planet. We often hear the old adage “We won’t have world peace until there is inner peace.” And though its use is cliché, the truth of the statement remains. As we each use our personal talents to free ourselves from the tyranny of fear, doubt and limitation, we will inspire others to discover and use theirs as well. The more of us that are free, the more of us available to devote our time and energy to inspire and guide others to personal freedom. Personal freedom is the key to equality and freedom reigning in the world. For the personally free among us will not be able to accept less than all of us being free. As I prepare to release my first musical offering in the form of an EP to the world this year, my hope is that this gift of song that frees me a little more each time I open my mouth, will lead others to discover their own gift to the road of freedom and in doing so inch us all a little closer to when we:

 “will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Divine, On Purpose

For the last few days at work I've had to repeat myself several times to customers for them to FULLY comprehend what I'm telling them. With each repeated statement I became more firm and assertive in my delivery; With each day more frustrated. But I didn't stop until they got it because I know if I did it would only lead to them calling back with the same question. Then today it hit me like a ton of bricks. This process is similar to the one Source takes when working to get us to that next place in life and to our "expected end" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Our initial promptings from the Divine are gentle nudges guiding us down the path to our destiny. Inevitably we veer off course and have to get slightly less subtle reminders to get back on track. And with each sidestep there are more 'prominent' reminders to redirect, until ultimately we are struck by the cosmic 2x4 in hopes that it will be the catalyst that brings the clarity needed to manifest our divine purpose. The Most Beloved never stops pointing us in the direction of purpose, no matter how many times it appears that we JUST DON'T GET IT. That's because the entire earth knows that it's success lies in the fulfilling of our success. For every person living their purpose, the planet and all of humanity is one step closer to the fulfilling of the intention of the Divine when it was stated "...I'll make them in my image and likeness" (Genesis 1:26).

It is true, we are meant to be like the Divine... Because We ARE ALL Divine. Our recognition of this is what the planet is waiting for.  All of creation is waiting with great expectation on the manifestations of the offspring of the Most High (Rom 8:19). Let's make 2014 a Divine Family Reunion by deciding to walk in purpose this year!

Love and Thanksgiving! Happy New Year!